Salvador, Brazil. In the state of Bahia. This photo was a difficult one to take as all the peddlers are always swarming a white out-of-place guy like me. How humbled I was when I came back to the United States.
In mid July until the end of July I went to Brazil with my wife and since that time I have not really had the time to keep up on the posting to the blog, but that's okay. Life comes first, everything else comes second. While I was there, I was dumbfounded by the class division and lack of opportunity juxtaposed to the United States, in economic terms. Americans believe that their suffering at this time is the most egregious inconvenience they've ever experienced. After coming back from Brazil, I now understand what poverty is and I swear that I will never complain again about being cold in the winter. I swear I won't! Typical Brazilians are warm of heart and very giving in how they conduct their daily lives. Family is not just a word with six letters, it's a lifestyle. Family is one of the most important things in their life and I have really been taken back by the nuances. People were happy there, for the most part. There was laughing among friends on the street, there was cheering for their local soccer team on television and plenty of good feeling to go around. I was really happy to have went there and broke my cycle of ending up in Europe every time that I left the United States. I've learned a lot and I swear that I will quit complaining about common things here but are luxuries in other parts of the world. Simply put, I am humbled.
For the next part of this story, I should remind you that this is a half political/philosophical blog along with the remaining 50% of the blog being somewhat personal to me. While there is an extent to what I will admit on the internet, I will share some things that will personalize what I'm writing.
My wife dropped a bomb on me after I got home. A friend of mine's wife dropped a bomb.. errr, more like she just disappeared. One moment she was asking him what he wanted for dinner, the next she was gone; only for my friend to be told by her father that she was alright and to not worry anymore. My wife didn't even come close to that in this instance and which all produced a rather odd chain of events. Nothing of event happened recently; however it was mentioned to me that a stone would most likely break when you hit it softly for the 1001'st time. So the small event "broke the rock." Making a really long story a bit shorter and omitting personal details, I just have to say that we're in a situation where we are "dating," again. I love this woman dearly and have made it clear of my intent to remain with her for the rest of my life, but now is the time for renewal and new beginnings.
I've been having a tough time sifting through all of this chaos lately and feel kind of disappointed that I'm with a person who's felt let down in certain respects. Why all this came to light, I don't know. I wish I did. I'm pretty confident in how I feel about her but I do not get that reciprocated at the present time. There's an air of uncertainty about her that I'm not quite comfortable with. Time will tell and it exposes all truths. In the end, I hope we end up being together again and finally getting things right between her and I. Some of the things that I need if I am to live up to some of the things she requests, I need a bit of that passion back from her. Her confidence in us and in the relationship.
All of this has left me to do the only thing that I can do: love her. So until that time, I will continue to do so the ways that I know how. All I can say is that I need to protect myself (and I am) in this era of uncertainty. None of this is what I have asked for or decided that I have wanted- I've been forced into this position so now I have to do prudent things at this time.. I'll leave it up to you to decide what a "prudent" thing may be vis a vis being in a situation like mine. It has also been my decision to march forward with my own life, following a few of my dreams while she's working on things in her own head. I hope to hell that she comes around sooner than later. I'm planning some big things in my life and would love nothing more than her to be along for the ride with me. But, that's her decision and she needs to find all this in her own heart and soul. The chances do not look bleak between us, they actually look very good, by the way. Taking into consideration all of the odd things that just happened, I'm seriously between the forty yard lines on every issue right now when it comes to us though. All I can do is see what I see and I'm not quite convinced I see that passion that would allow us to be together for the rest of our lives as of right now. We'll see though...
As a footnote, I will get back to posting more again as there has been plenty of interesting news lately. I'm finally getting back into the swing of work and life is settling down a bit again.
